I N D E T E R M I N A C Y
I N D E X   O F   L A S T   L I N E S

“A few blocks down the street.” 157

A few weeks later, KNX took the program off the air. 136

“After all, Nature is better than Art.” 123

After hearing all those stories about your childhood, I keep asking myself, ‘Where was it that I failed?’ ” 180

“Am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?” 24

“An old shoe would look beautiful in this room.” 1

And how did you know I was interested in mushrooms?” 139

And in a lecture I gave at Illinois, I added, “To life, period.” 18

And meanwhile all the flashing colored lights associated with juke boxes worked perfectly, making the whole scene glamorous. 7

Another, noticing fungi in Bavarian and Milanese markets, sent post cards. 117

Apparently someone forgot to turn something on. 63

At one point in his lecture, when the speaker’s eye fell on this girl in recognition, she opened her coat, showing herself to be stark naked. 93

At the end of seven days, Kwang-tse tells us, Chaos died. 27

At the same time, what concerns me now is quantity. 104

But consider, my dear, how dull life would be without a little uncertainty in it.” 108

But I have a very serious question to ask you: How do you feel about Bach?” 51

Christian Wolff said he’d be glad to, but that it wasn’t really necessary, since the sounds of the environment were in no sense an interruption of those of the music. 4

“Come, dear, mother doesn’t want you to see these things.” 133

Coming to the casket, they discovered they were at the wrong funeral. 176

Did they then or do they now have a place in American society? 152

“Did you hear that?” they will say. 47

“Do they know you’re a Zen Buddhist?” 128

“Do you have to have a tooth pulled out in order to make mistakes?” 45

“Don’t be a square. Read Kerouac.” 168

“Don’t mention that man’s name in my house.” 115

Donald Malcomb finds the dangers of lion hunting largely imaginary, those of mushroom hunting perfectly real. 131

Eventually one discovers that it’s not boring at all but very interesting. 75

Every now and then I managed to tell the Lippolds, whose guest I was, not to worry, that I wasn’t going to die. 122

Everything, it turned out, referred precisely to the subjects with which Joseph Campbell was concerned, including the number in the upper right-hand corner. 129

For what if we do it — give them up, that is — what do we have left? 149

For, it is said, the Buddha’s enlightenment penetrated in every direction to every point in space and time. 103

“Franz, I might have known you’d find the easy way.” 127

“Get out!” she screamed, “get out and never come back!” 111

Getting out of her car and seeing him lying on the sidewalk, Mrs. Cunningham said, “What are you doing there?” 178

“Ha, ha! Your mushrooms are gone.” 55

He came to the conclusion that the mushroom, nothing else that had been eaten or drunk, was indeed responsible. 96

“He has dirt between his fingers the way you and I have between our toes.” 58

He led him to a place where the water was shallow and they waded across. 15

He named a small town in Ohio where she lives to this day. 25

He then dropped everything, ran through the forest to his teacher, and said, “Thank you.” 141

He then wrote back that I had been vaccinated, and to prove it he sent along a certificate with his signature. 85

He took me into the house and lectured me for two hours on the importance of time, especially for one who proposed devoting his life to the art of music. 69

He went on to say that people go through their entire lives thinking that things are that when they are actually this, and that these mistakes are necessarily made with the very things with which they are the most familiar. 114

“Hell,” he said, “thawashlashyear.” 105

Hellebore has pleated leaves. Skunk cabbage does not. 148

How is it I didn’t notice it during the winters before I met Keith McGary? 110

How will I do this? That is the question. 17

However, all Graves did was eat the hamburger, pay his bill, get back in the car, roll up the carpet, and drive off. 30

However, he said he’d like to see some of my compositions, and we made an appointment for the following week. 68

However, I have a redeeming quality: I was gifted with a sunny disposition. X1

However, just before the performance, the Pope died and everything was canceled. 159

However, many in the audience were dozing off, and some were talking to their neighbors. 48

“I can’t come next Sunday because it’s Rosh Hashana, and I’ve arranged with my mother that if I stay home on Rosh Hashana, I’ll be able to come on Yom Kippur.” 120

I do hope you can explode that idea.” 8

“I don’t know anything about her coat; I didn’t take it.” 145

I don’t know how many years it’s been, but every now and then, when I go out, I hesitate at the door, wondering whether a cigarette’s still burning somewhere in the house. X10

I have it written down right here in my notes.” 170

“I just don’t have any more time to waste talking with you. Good-by.” 169

“I know you’re very busy: I won’t take a minute of your time.” 32

I love this machine much more than I do your Uncle Walter.” 57

I noticed that the music that came out accompanied the swimmers, though they didn’t hear it. 3

I stopped, since he is the pianist he is, and I just sat there, listening. 11

“I think it’s a good idea. Why don’t you do it?” 162

“I think there’s just the right amount.” 49

I was just getting interested.” 76

I’m always first in the parking lot.” 163

“I’m sure you could sell it to a star in Hollywood,” the Abbot replied. 13

“If you don’t know, why do you ask?” 54

“If you think I came to the loony bin to learn to play bridge, you’re crazy.” 56

In gratitude, he bowed ceremoniously, spoke respectfully, and took his leave. 88

In spite of these obstacles, we went on doing what we were doing for about five more months, twelve hours a day, until the work was finished. 59

“In that case I will devote my life to beating my head against that wall.” 147

“Isn’t it strange that having come all the way from Japan I spend my time explaining to you that which is not to be explained?” X7

“It reminded me of the work of Mondrian.” 144

It took me a year to finish reading it. 79

It took me much longer, about thirty-five years in fact, to learn that orange juice was not good for me either. 142

It was a week or so later, while I was walking in the woods looking for mushrooms, that it all dawned on me. 83

It’s downstairs and there are only two of us for each floor and we keep running back and forth.” 64

“It’s not fresh, but it’s fruit.” 65

“John, are you ready for the second coming of the Lord?” 82

Karlheinz Stockhausen once told me — we were in Copenhagen — “I demand two things from a composer: invention and that he astonish me.” 14

Kwang-tse points out that a beautiful woman who gives pleasure to men serves only to frighten the fish when she jumps in the water. 21

“Life is the sum total of all the little things that happen.” Mr. Nearing smiled. 167

Mute, Meister Eckhart was excommunicated. 146

“My mother will hear about this.” 119

My signature followed and that was all there was to it. 67

Next day when I visited her, she was sitting on the floor, painting with difficulty, for she was holding the brush between two toes of her left foot. 100

“No difference, only the feet are a little bit off the ground.” 34

No sooner had he killed the horse than, lo and behold, it turned into a prince, who, except for the acquiescence of the hero, would have had to remain a miserable shaggy nag. 61

“No, I’ll wait for you here.” 140

“Nonsense: there are as many hours in a day as you put into it.” 62

Not at all the way one reads Bach in public, but precisely the way one reads in public Duo II for Pianists by Christian Wolff. 91

“Now that everything’s so easy, there’s so much to do.” Then he went back to sleep. 42

“Now that I’m enlightened, I’m just as miserable as ever.” 89

“Now, John, you know perfectly well that I’ve never enjoyed having a good time.” 125

“Oh,” he said, “in that case there’s no problem at all.” 50

On Yap Island phosphorescent fungi are used as hair ornaments for moonlight dances. 112

Once on the boat coming over, and once in the hotel here in Juneau.” 161

One moves at any time from one to another of these positions changing thereby the reference of the points to the parallel lines. 20

One of the girls said, “Listen.” 10

One thing is certain: Poom Poom is sterile. 94

Originally a dirty gray, it had become black, and, as she told me, it was divine, improving the flavor of whatever it touched. 66

Peck says that if things are doing well in gardens, one can expect, in the woods, fields, and waste places, to find wild plants doing equally well. 109

“Perhaps they were good Buddhists.” 106

Peter Suckling had been born Peter Perfect. 132

“Put her down. I did two hours ago.” 2

Ramakrishna said that the child had not sinned, he had simply corrected an error; he had been born by mistake. 36

“Remember the early Christian Gnostic statement, ‘Split the stick and there is Jesus!’ ” 19

Richard Lippold still does not see eye to eye with me on the subject of chance operations. 102

She said she’d seen a small painting worth a certain amount, measured it, measured hers (which was much larger), multiplied, and that was that. 153

Shortly, Xenia and I were alone. 177

Somewhere in Virginia, I lost my hat. X4

“Son John, your mother is always right, even when she’s wrong.” 130

Soon, you’ll find, you remember it.” 81

Standing in line, Max Jacob said, gives one the opportunity to practice patience. 166

Suzuki said, “In every sense.” 116

“That difficulty will disappear.” 84

That evening the possibility of lighting a cigarette on an electric stove was mentioned, an action with which I am fully familiar. X6

“That is none of your business.” X8

That is, one may choose the kind of point he wishes. There is no eraser. 174

That that was all right as far as I was concerned. 9

“That voice was God’s voice.” 134

That we have no ears to hear the music the spores shot off from basidia make obliges us to busy ourselves microphonically. 113

“That’ll be a relief.” 23

That’s the only way we’ve found in business to keep ourselves interested.” 151

“That’s what I call self-expression.” 172

“That’s why I love philosophy: no one wins.” 38

The aurora borealis, which neither of them had ever seen before, was playing in the northern sky. 155

The Buddha died a natural death.” 90

The cup still belongs to the school. 74

The Devil is on Earth and doing his work beautifully!” 29

The driver said he’d had an operation some years before and that while his flesh was dead and numb, before the wound healed, he was able to predict weather changes by the pain he felt in the scar, that when the flesh lost its numbness and was, so to speak, back to normal, he could no longer know in advance anything about changes in weather. 121

The expression on his face was absolutely beatific. 70

The garden, it turned out, belonged to the man who collected his garbage. 150

The housekeeper said that each year the wall-washer, no matter who he was, was so accused, always by the same lady. 165

“The important thing to do is to develop foreign trade.” 52

The low one was your blood in circulation.” 6

The man answered, “I just stand.” X9

The older monk replied, “Just a dip. No why.” 46

“The past does not influence me. I influence it.” 43

The pen was tearing the paper to shreds and splattering ink all over the window and on the advertisement, which, nevertheless, remained legible. 5

The project was not even mentioned, that day or any succeeding day. 37

Then one more of us will get a chance to sell what he has, and so on.” 154

“There are so many Latin names rolling around in my head that sometimes the wrong one comes out.” 87

“There certainly is. It makes good sense.” X2

“There were only three or four days when we had to stay in bed all day to keep warm.” 92

There’ll be sweet-smelling flowers, brightly colored birds, people swimming in the surf, and (I’ll bet you a nickel) a rainbow at some point during the day in the sky. 97

“There, that’ll give you something to cry about.” 16

They both got up and left the hall. 80

They fly into one’s head like birds. Is that what Dad meant? 99

“They were just the same after as before,” he said, “except they were a little more cranky.” 179

They’re not free: they’re fighting over bits of food.” 41

This is how I keep you entertained.” 71

To make me feel better, he offered a free root beer. I said, “No, thank you.” 31

Towards the end of the second day, the student was enlightened. 98

Unpacking her parcels, she discovered the dime in the bottom of the shopping bag. 158

Virgil Thomson said, “You see what I mean?” 171

“We are,” she said, “but we agree with you completely.” 101

We’re going to save you for Robinson Crusoe.” 53

“Well, I have a hole in my sock, and, if you like, I’ll take my shoes off.” 35

“Well, I specialize in the jelly fungi; I just give the fleshy fungi a whirl.” 60

“Well, I thought I heard some hissing.” 173

“Well, this is the bus to Stockport. Are you getting on or not?” 175

“Well, we can always go and buy some real ones.” 124

“What are you reading that for? That’s finished.” 107

“What do you mean? I’ve always been a success.” 137

“What is the principle underlying all of the solutions?” 44

When I arrived with the frying pans in the candle-lit dining room, everyone was eating dessert. 95

When I saw him after he got back, he said he’d had boiled peanuts again and that they tasted very much like hog peanuts. 156

When she served dinner, they all burst into tears. 143

When she told me this I was surprised, because I thought she was committed in the first place, and because I myself feel more committed the more diverse and multiplied my interests and actions become. X3

When Sri Ramakrishna was asked why, if God is good, is there evil in the world, he replied, “To thicken the plot.” 33

“Whenever you want to get at that box of spices you have, let me know. I’ll help you.” 39

“Where is the ‘should’?” 22

Why are you so sad, stream? Baby? 78

Would you tell him, please, how much I loved it?” 126

Xenia told me once that when she was a child in Alaska, she and her friends had a club and there was only one rule: No silliness. 73

“Yes, I found them stuffed around everywhere.” 164

“Yes,” he said, “like they say in the sutras: ‘This is not idle talk, but the highest of truths’.” 12

Yoshida told me there was one thing the author failed to point out, that is, there lives in Japan at the present time a highly esteemed archer who has never yet been able to hit the bull’s eye even in broad daylight. 26

You are so far away from the centers of tradition.” 77

“You come all this way and then when you get here there’s nothing to see.” 86

“You don’t expect me, do you, to come all that way for two little mushrooms?” 118

You have only one mother and father.” 40

You know it’s very hard to come out of a wreck with undamaged headlights.” 138

“You should have said, ‘the tie I was wearing yesterday’.” 28

“You’re in the wrong profession.” X5

“You’re not fussy about music either.” 135

“You’ve made a mistake and I am able to correct it, but what I’d like to know is: How many others have you also invited?” 160

Your room’s ready. Come right over.” 72





Indeterminacy . Index of names . Index of first lines